A Letter to Old Self
Time slips incessantly without apprehending; you are attending classes one day, and swiftly you find yourself coping with the new job. They say it’s uncertain; every second is remarkable; you might endure or might give in.
I’m writing this to you in the hope that even though you might be struggling today, it won’t be your future.
Trust me; I have survived the worst.
You will find yourself sitting in a swing one evening, on a call, you hear “I love you” for the first time and suddenly your stomach aches and heart summersaults, and you say “ Me too”, although you are too young to understand love, yet you give in to that idea that someone out there loves you. You feel that exhilaration of being validated by the other person. Thus began the cycle of deceiving your parents for all those midnight conversations, sneaking in recess to meet.
It’s a rush.
You will soon learn your lesson on trust for the first time, and somehow you will survive, but you can neither forget nor forgive.
Few years down, your heart will summersault again, and this time, you will find yourself crying and writing letters, burning them, because you feel that you aren’t good enough or cool enough for them, as a defense for their actions.
You will try to validate yourself to fit in their lives, but I will promise you, you will survive all the despairs, and all those scattered remnants of your heart will heal.
It might not feel okay now, but trust me, you are one step closer to the kind of love who will encourage and push you to be better. It will not be a fairytale but an authentic rare one.
So, stop crying, pick up yourself, take a breath, believe “Astha” in you.
The fear of eating alone during recess might force you to seek others’ validation; you will find losing your voice and becoming mediocre in the crowd.
I know it’s fashionable to be popular with countless friends, but the jarring reality is that you only need few intimate friends; who will tolerate your crazy insecurities and when you drunk dive in the pool, they will pick you up.
You will find them and when you do, hold on tight, as nothing is appealing as a friendship. No matter what part of the world they are in, the bond you share with them will never be swayed by distance.
Some days you will turn to mindless emotional eating, which will make you feel better, but the overall result from all that binge eating to numb the feelings will, in turn, wreck your body, so quit it. You won’t relish when people call you “fat,” “chubby,” and maybe you might weep every time.
Instead, start striving for a healthy and fit life, and don’t let the bitter sentiments push you towards the comfort of processed food.
Do the things you love, even if that means staying until 4 am to finish reading a novel, playing basketball, or writing your journal. Don’t fuss over the number of likes on Instagram.
One of the best advice I received was, “Don’t tell anyone what you are doing until it’s done; outside energy can throw off goals.”
Each phase of life will bring in contrasting shades of people, and you will learn from each betrayal, each lie, each unseen message and somehow you will become indifferent and it will be growth.
You will grow.
Into
me.
Yesterday, today and tomorrow are not consecutive, they are connected in a never-ending circle. Everything is connected.
Signing off,
Your future self.
